Another Monkey Story

Another Monkey Story

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have that monkey please". The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000". The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did he cost SO much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in 'C' very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money." The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does he do?" "Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; he can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of his own. The price tag around his neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does he do?" The shopkeeper shrugged and said, "Well, to tell you the truth, I haven't actually seen him do anything, but he says he's a SAP consultant."

Stock Market 101

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man or his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

- Unknown

Sam's Rules for Building a Business

1. COMMIT to your business.
2. SHARE your profits with your associates and treat them as partners.
3. MOTIVATE your partners.
4. COMMUNICATE everything you possibly can to your partners.
5. APPRECIATE everything your associates do for the business.
6. CELEBRATE your success.
7. LISTEN to everyone in your company.
8. EXCEED your customers' expectations.
9. CONTROL your expenses better than your competition.
10. SWIM upstream.

- Sam Walton (founder of Wal-Mart)

Reasons to allow drinking at work

Reasons to allow drinking at work

The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol.

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten

- Anonymous

MANAGEMENT SPEAK

Management Speak: That's a good question.
Meaning: I don't have a good answer.

Management Speak: You have to show your flexibility.
Meaning: You have to do it whether you want to or not.

Management Speak: I don't totally disagree with you.
Meaning: You may be right, but I don't care.

Management Speak: We're going to follow a strict methodology here.
Meaning: We're going to do it my way.

Management Speak: Empower.
Meaning: Freely blame your subordinates for your problems.

Management Speak: I'd like your buy in on this.
Meaning: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.

Management Speak: I'm not saying no, but I'm certainly not saying yes.
Meaning: No.

Management Speak: The system has to be flexible.
Meaning: We don't know what the hell we want.

LESSONS IN MARKETING

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You went up to her and say "I am very rich. Marry me". That's DIRECT MARKETING

You are at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He is very rich. Marry him". That's ADVERTISING

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you called her and say, "Hi, I am very rich. Marry me". That's TELEMARKETING.

You are at a party and see a beautiful girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, 'By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?'. That's PUBLIC RELATIONS.

You are at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich". That's BRAND RECOGNITION.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me". She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's CUSTOMER FEEDBACK.

- Unknown

HOT SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE

HOT SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE

Ingredients:

• 2 1/2 tsp. cornstarch
• 1 c. cold water
• 4 tbsp. sugar
• 5 tbsp. brown sugar
• 4 tbsp. ketchup
• 1/3 c. green onions, cut in 1 inch lengths
• 1/4 tsp. red hot pepper flakes or Tabasco sauce, optional
• 1/3 c. fresh ginger, finely shredded
• 1/2 tbsp. dry sherry wine
• 2 tbsp. sesame oil

Procedure:

1. Combine cornstarch and 1/4 cup water. Stir in remaining water.
2. Stir in white sugar, brown sugar and ketchup. Set aside.
3. Heat 1 teaspoon sesame oil in a small saucepan. Add onion, pepper and ginger. Mix thoroughly and then add wine. Cook for 1 minute or until flavor from ginger becomes aromatic.
4. Add onion, pepper, ginger, wine and sesame oil. Cook until it boils, reduce heat and stir constantly. Slowly add the cornstarch mixture and cook for about 1 more minute. Add 1 teaspoon sesame oil to finish off.
5. Serve warm or cold with spring rolls. Can also be used for sweet and sour pork or shrimp dishes.